We’re going to lighten up this time. I figure after my last couple entries, you could use a drink. So I’m going to tell you all what you need to know about making prison wine. We call it hooch.
First and foremost, let me say that what I’m about to tell you how to do actually shouldn’t be done, is almost certainly bad for you, and may not even be legal. Further more, if you are under the drinking age, you shouldn’t even read this, something resonates about “contributing to the delinquency of a minor.” With all that said, here’s how we get drunk in prison.
What you’ll need:
A 5 gallon container
A straw
2 Heavy Duty trash bags
2 Heavy Duty trash bags
A rubber band
3 lbs. sugar
24 pieces of fruit (oranges, grapefruit, bananas)
A 16 oz cup
Makes 3 gallons !
Okay, the first thing you need to do is make a “kicker.” This is a small amount of alcohol that will jump start the reaction in your big batch. Take 1/4 of an orange, and put it in a cup with a tablespoon or two of sugar, then fill the cup 3/4 full of warm water. Set it on a counter or in a cabinet for 2–4 days, until you can see bubbles moving to the top. When it is bubbling at a decent rate, it’s time to make your batch.
Line your 5 gallon container with both trash bags. Now peel your fruit, and mash it up well as you throw it into the trash bags. Add your kicker. Now throw in the sugar and fill the bags with 3 gallons of water. You’ve got your batch put together. Finally, take a straw, and close the trash bags around it (using a rubber band) so that the straw is half in, half out of the bag. This will allow the wine to “breathe.” Gas is a by-product of the process, and if it doesn’t have somewhere to go, things will get messy. In other words, your bags will explode.
Now you need to find somewhere to keep the wine. It has to be a warm place, cold will kill your batch. We like to keep it in the shower, that way a couple times a day we can run hot water over the bags to get the thing going. You can do the same. Just make sure you point your “breather” so the water can’t get inside the bag. Shake it a little, too.
Your batch should get to rumbling after a day or two. If you use clear trash bags you can see through the sides, otherwise you’ll have to open them up and look, you want to watch how much it is bubbling. When it is done bubbling, it is ready. All the fruit should be floating to the top.
Strain the fruit, and pour yourself a cup! There should be a dry, dirty gym sock flavor. The sweetness should be gone. About 2 quarts should give you a nice buzz.
What you have there is the easiest way to make prison hooch. We don’t always have the simplest ingredients, so we have to improvise. Any fruit will do, from tomatoes to blueberries to kiwis. Fruit isn’t usually the problem. Sugar can be harder to get. The key thing is that it takes 1 pound of sugar to make one gallon of wine. We’ll use anything from skittles to jelly, honey, or even atomic fireballs. You just look at the package, see how may grams of sugar are in each serving, and do the math. This is why we now receive diet jelly with our toast.
If it occurs to you that you are basically drinking rotten fruit, well, yeah, but it’s rotten fruit with attitude! You will probably only try this once, but what fun you’ll have. May I suggest a prison-themed party and a whole vat of the stuff?
24 pieces of fruit (oranges, grapefruit, bananas)
A 16 oz cup
Makes 3 gallons !
Okay, the first thing you need to do is make a “kicker.” This is a small amount of alcohol that will jump start the reaction in your big batch. Take 1/4 of an orange, and put it in a cup with a tablespoon or two of sugar, then fill the cup 3/4 full of warm water. Set it on a counter or in a cabinet for 2–4 days, until you can see bubbles moving to the top. When it is bubbling at a decent rate, it’s time to make your batch.
Line your 5 gallon container with both trash bags. Now peel your fruit, and mash it up well as you throw it into the trash bags. Add your kicker. Now throw in the sugar and fill the bags with 3 gallons of water. You’ve got your batch put together. Finally, take a straw, and close the trash bags around it (using a rubber band) so that the straw is half in, half out of the bag. This will allow the wine to “breathe.” Gas is a by-product of the process, and if it doesn’t have somewhere to go, things will get messy. In other words, your bags will explode.
Now you need to find somewhere to keep the wine. It has to be a warm place, cold will kill your batch. We like to keep it in the shower, that way a couple times a day we can run hot water over the bags to get the thing going. You can do the same. Just make sure you point your “breather” so the water can’t get inside the bag. Shake it a little, too.
Your batch should get to rumbling after a day or two. If you use clear trash bags you can see through the sides, otherwise you’ll have to open them up and look, you want to watch how much it is bubbling. When it is done bubbling, it is ready. All the fruit should be floating to the top.
Strain the fruit, and pour yourself a cup! There should be a dry, dirty gym sock flavor. The sweetness should be gone. About 2 quarts should give you a nice buzz.
What you have there is the easiest way to make prison hooch. We don’t always have the simplest ingredients, so we have to improvise. Any fruit will do, from tomatoes to blueberries to kiwis. Fruit isn’t usually the problem. Sugar can be harder to get. The key thing is that it takes 1 pound of sugar to make one gallon of wine. We’ll use anything from skittles to jelly, honey, or even atomic fireballs. You just look at the package, see how may grams of sugar are in each serving, and do the math. This is why we now receive diet jelly with our toast.
If it occurs to you that you are basically drinking rotten fruit, well, yeah, but it’s rotten fruit with attitude! You will probably only try this once, but what fun you’ll have. May I suggest a prison-themed party and a whole vat of the stuff?
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