A Dose Of Reality

Here’s something kind of fun. The whole inspiration for this website in the first place was seeing a couple of really bad movies about (or depicting) prison, and thinking to myself, “ya know, they probably believe it’s really like that.” But really, there is just not that much realism in prison cinema. A couple flicks have hit it right on, however. So what I thought I’d do is list the top 10 most authentic prison movies, and then tell you the ones NOT to believe. Here goes:

For a dose of reality:

1. The Shawshank Redemption—This movie captures the essence of a prisoners existence. From the sobering loneliness Andy felt alone in his cell at night to the irreplaceable camaraderie he felt with Red. This movie is just how it is. It’s a grind - the same thing all day every day, there’s always an us us, them battle between convicts and cops, and only the strong (and smart) survive.
2. Blood in, Blood out—This ultra violent gang-ridden prison portrays the fear one can live in when things aren’t going right. It also represents pretty accurately how hard it is to understand prison when you first get there.
   
3. Escape From Alcatraz—Shows how easy it is for the guards to control somebody. 30 days in the hole is a bitch. People don’t realize just what it takes inside to keep these cops from breaking us. Oh yeah, and men really do escape, but it is not easy.
4. Cool Hand Luke—Something about the way Struther Martin talks to people resonates oh-so-true. You really don’t want to have a “failure to communicate with the boss man” around here.
   
5. The Green Mile—After you remove the elements of the supernatural, what you get is a story about the conflict between prison guards about how to treat people. Dignity is often checked at the door for convicts, but some cops would rather you keep it.
6. Goodfellas—Money and power can get you special treatment in here. If you know the right people, the cops will look the other way sometimes, and corruption isn’t hard to come by.
7. Blow—Just at the very end, when you see that George Jung has been reduced to spending his days gardening on the prison yard. That’s what they do to you—take away everything you had and replace it with what amounts to nothing. Yet you still find some joy in that nothing.
8. Oz—While not a movie, this HBO series got one thing so perfect that I couldn’t keep it off this list. The way the prisoners all interact with each other is right on, with so many different people striving to be in charge. That’s the way they act here, everyone wants to be a chief, and no one wants to be an Indian. Respect comes from power.
9. Natural Born Killers—During the prison riot scene, I get goosebumps. Once things get out of hand in prison, it deteriorates quickly. No one has much of anything to lose. That’s my biggest fear really—dying in a riot in here. Once the mob mentality takes over, the only way to stop it is with brute force. Reason goes out the window.
10. I’m leaving this spot open for any future movie that manages to portray the actual number of stupid people in prison in a compelling way.

And finally, here are a few things to stay away from if you’re looking for reality:

1. Any movies where Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal end up in jail—Not only do tough guys like that just not exist, but if they did, they would undoubtedly piss enough people off that their impressive ass-kicking sills would no longer matter.
2. Prison chick movies—Yeah right. You wish.
3. Most any comedy that is predicated on the premise that forced sodomy is funny, and somehow convinces people that “dropping the soap” will lead to an unwanted intrusion. Bend at the KNEES, people.
4. Ernest goes to jail—I’m not sure I need to explain.

Until we meet again...