Experiment

Let’s do a little thought experiment here. Picture yourself locked in your bathroom. If you have a TV or a radio in there—it is gone. All you have in there with you is a foam mattress, linen, basic hygiene products (soap, shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant), pen and paper, and a few random books to read. You are brought meals in little plastic trays three times a day. You have approximately 20 minutes to eat, and then some one will come back and demand the trays back.

Every weekday at 6:00 in the morning, you will be allowed to spend an hour in your bedroom, which is completely empty. At the end of your hour of “rec,” you will be escorted back to the bathroom (in handcuffs), not to be allowed out until the next morning. Since you already have access to a toilet, shower, and sink, there’s no need to go anywhere for hygiene purposes.

About three times a week, a nurse will walk by your bathroom door. He or she will not announce their presence, but if you happen to catch them they will listen to any health concerns you have, and refer you to a doctor. All ailments short of imminent death will be put on a waiting list, and probably take 3–4 weeks to be consulted. Dental problems will take longer, likely 2–3 months. Pain is no excuse, you should have the foresight to know when you’re developing such maladies.

You may have a total stranger in your bathroom with you. You will be expected to be cordial to each other and resolve all differences independently if you have any.

Finally, you should do your level best to avoid any emergencies. In the event you cannot refrain, you must kick your door loudly, all the while screaming, “Man Down!” hoping someone will hear you. Allow at least 15 minutes of this before expecting a response. Again, foresight of said emergency would be preferable. Oh, and if your emergency is deemed unworthy of the effort required to find out what it is, you will be disciplined (most likely with EVEN MORE time in the bathroom), so make it good. Heart attacks and strokes are mostly deemed acceptable. After that, it’s touch and go.

Congratulations! Now you know what it’s like to be in ”the hole.” How long do you think you can do it for? A day? A week? A month? The average stay is a couple months. My current record is 22 months.

Does this sort of existence slowly drive you insane? It can if you’re not careful. I’ve seen guys spend a year or two in the hole and come out broken, with their zeal gone. If you have a strong mind, though, you’ll probably be okay. You have to learn to find joy in some of the simple things in life, that’s for sure.

Let me get one thing straight before I go on—You don’t necessarily have to do anything wrong to get thrown in the hole. The penal powers-that-be use “the bucket” for any number of purposes, and punishment is only one of them. Actually, punishment is probably the least of reasons they put people in for. Most guys that get in trouble get out in a week or two. What they really throw fellas in for is either because they want to keep someone separated from someone else (so they don’t try to kill each other), they think someone needs protection, or (my favorite) because they want to discourage someone from activity that isn’t necessarily against the rules, but certainly isn’t conductive to indignation of “model prisoner behavior.”

Well, what you end up with is a bunch of really frustrated guys trying to persuade the cops to either let them out or send them somewhere so they don’t have to sit in the hole. Of course, prison officials take their sweet time doing anything. So mostly pleas are to no avail. Your basic bureaucracy has a hard time getting things organized, and this system is a headless machine if I’ve ever seen one.

So, you have to make the best of it. Like I said before, it has the potential to break you, but most of us find ways to cope. You got an opportunity to do some real soul-searching. We take pretty good care of each other, too. Whatever books or magazines we have are in constant circulation. I learned a long time ago to always read the most ragged, worn looking books I can find in here. It means they’re good. They have been read so much that they are falling apart.

Things don’t always run smooth. Guys will get into conversations with each other (you can hear through the doors) and about once a night, you can count on some ridiculous argument breaking out. This will quickly escalate into a carnival of insults, threats, and challenges worthy of a Springer-esque chant: “Jer-ry! Jer-ry!” With a couple of 400-pound steel doors between them, guys will say almost anything. You can just picture the steam coming out of these guys ears when they get all worked up, and there’s nothing they can do about it. When they get drunk and want to fight, it’s twice the madness. They will settle it by agreeing to go to the recreation cages in the morning and beat the heck out of each other, but they rarely “remember” to go.

I suppose there are some good things that can come out of an experience in isolation. You’ll get a chance to do some serious learning, if you’re so inclined. It’s a good place to figure out where you stand spiritually. You’re almost certainly safe (unless that whole medical system backfires on you) in there. You’ll get an opportunity to write lots of letters and maybe hash things out with family.

But the bottom line is, you don’t have any choice in the matter. You either adapt or lost your mind. I’d like to think my sanity is still intact, but I’m certainly not the same after the ordeal. As for whether or not I’ve gone off the deep end, I’ll let you decide. Now ,if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go spend some time with my imaginary friend, Iggy. I met him a couple years ago in the hole. He’s been with me ever since.