Around here, you don’t often have a choice about who your cellmate will be. They don’t mix races together, and generally don’t put two guys from rival gangs in the same cell together, but other than that, almost anything goes.
Me? I’ve got a cranky old bastard. The guy used to fly planes full of Pablo Escobars’ money back and forth, and had the world at his fingertips out there. Now, he’s never getting out.
This can lead to some uncomfortable situations. There’s some things you just don’t talk about around a guy like that. For a guy like me who gets out fairly soon, it’s hard to bite your tongue sometimes. I mean, I’m looking forward to the future, and this guy feels like I’m rubbing freedom in his face every time I start fantasizing about my first cheeseburger or the hooker I hope is waiting for me in the parking lot. Well, just kidding about the hooker. Kind of. I’m a man, it’s been 8 years since I had sex, you do the math.
Anyways, you do the best you can. You tiptoe around the sensitive stuff and find a common ground. Whenever my “celly” and I get uncomfortable or heated, we switch our conversation to movies or music. It’s hard to find controversy there. The first thing you learn when you get here is to avoid talking about race, religion, and politics. Those three things will have you beat up faster than you can say “Middle East peace talks.” People don’t tend to be very flexible in their views around here. Debate and logic are not these guys’ strong suit.
Once again, a beautiful juxtaposition that shall go unnamed.
We’ll stay peaceful for now, my crotchety old cellmate and I, I just hope I don’t make him mad. I think he has a few connections still. Remind me some time to tell you the story about him and the Columbian General.
Bye!
You live vicariously through those characters because you're never going to see prison first hand. Doesn't make it any less fascinating, though, does it? That's where I come in. I'm in "the joint" as we speak. Now, if you find it morally questionable that I'm shamelessly exploiting my situation for "entertainment" - well, you probably just logged off anyways. Sorry to see you go, you're going to miss a few good stories. As for the rest of you, let me introduce myself.
My name is Andrew (sorry I don't have a cooler prison name like Blade or Ripper), I'm 34 years old, and I'm writing this from inside of a Federal Prison.
I did time in a maximum security penitentiary for bank robbery, but it's been some years now and all in all, I'm a pretty good guy. We learn from our mistakes just like anyone does, and I won't be in here forever. Besides, you ask anyone in prison and they'll tell you we're all innocent anyways.
So, about this blog thing. I've got a few good stories to tell, and I thought it might be interesting if I shared a few of them with you, and gave a report from my little piece of heaven here occasionally. Think of me as kind of an incarcarated Ira Glass. I'll try to keep it interesting, and hopefully it will be unique. Who knows, you might learn a little something. Do you know how to start a fire with a battery and some oatmeal? Make hooch with skittles and tomatos? I do.
Your comments are welcome, eagerly anticipated even. I hope you'll understand why it may not be so easy to respond to them. I'll do my best, but I obviously don't have an Internet connection. We're talking through a middle man (or woman) here. Anyways, read on, spread the word, and enjoy what I have to say. Life's no bed of roses in here, but if you get some joy out of it, it's good with me. We all do it.
Some of my favorite movies:
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The Shawshank Redemption
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Goodfellas
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Avatar
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Leaving Las Vegas
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Drugstore Cowboy
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East of Eden
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Trainspotting
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North by Northwest
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Midnight Express
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The Lost Weekend
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Casino
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The Usual Suspects
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Pulp Fiction
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The Breakfast Club
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Taxi Driver
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Sunset Boulevard
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Breakfast at Tiffany's
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Blackboard Jungle
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Braveheart
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Schindler's List
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Psycho
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On the Waterfront
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Star Wars (all six of them)
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Tombstone
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