If you follow the news, you might think you do, but let me tell you. Our prison economy is going to CRASH. It’s going to be just like it would for you if the government came out and told you a dollar bill wasn’t worth a dollar anymore. Fiduciary chaos.
You see, the price of stamps is going up on May 14th, and everything in prison here costs stamps. Let me explain.
Everything is for sale here. From a piece of chicken out of the chow hall to a piece of “Pretty Ricky” over in D-Block, there’s a black market for everything. So we’ve got to have some sort of currency, and we’re not allowed to have cigarettes anymore. Besides, cigarettes went out of style a few years ago anyways, they’re too big and bulky. Some of these guys do big-time business, and it’s hard to hand over 100 packs of cigarettes with the guards watching.
Anyways, here’s how it works. Each stamp is worth a quarter, no matter what it costs from the commissary. You’ve got a book (20) of stamps? You’ve got five dollars in purchasing power. But the reason the whole thing works is that eventually someone buys the stamps and uses them to mail a letter home to ask for more money. what happens when our “cash” isn’t worth first-class postage anymore? Black Monday.
This will work itself out in the long run, but for a little while we’re going to be at a standstill. A few opportunities will seize the moment and find a way to short sell the damn things or something, but mostly we’re all going to have to prop the economy back up by coming out of our pockets and buying a whole bunch of really expensive stamps. Sound a little familiar? I’ll let you do the dot-to-dot work. But I like to think of it as buying “incarceration bonds.” See you next time!
You live vicariously through those characters because you're never going to see prison first hand. Doesn't make it any less fascinating, though, does it? That's where I come in. I'm in "the joint" as we speak. Now, if you find it morally questionable that I'm shamelessly exploiting my situation for "entertainment" - well, you probably just logged off anyways. Sorry to see you go, you're going to miss a few good stories. As for the rest of you, let me introduce myself.
My name is Andrew (sorry I don't have a cooler prison name like Blade or Ripper), I'm 34 years old, and I'm writing this from inside of a Federal Prison.
I did time in a maximum security penitentiary for bank robbery, but it's been some years now and all in all, I'm a pretty good guy. We learn from our mistakes just like anyone does, and I won't be in here forever. Besides, you ask anyone in prison and they'll tell you we're all innocent anyways.
So, about this blog thing. I've got a few good stories to tell, and I thought it might be interesting if I shared a few of them with you, and gave a report from my little piece of heaven here occasionally. Think of me as kind of an incarcarated Ira Glass. I'll try to keep it interesting, and hopefully it will be unique. Who knows, you might learn a little something. Do you know how to start a fire with a battery and some oatmeal? Make hooch with skittles and tomatos? I do.
Your comments are welcome, eagerly anticipated even. I hope you'll understand why it may not be so easy to respond to them. I'll do my best, but I obviously don't have an Internet connection. We're talking through a middle man (or woman) here. Anyways, read on, spread the word, and enjoy what I have to say. Life's no bed of roses in here, but if you get some joy out of it, it's good with me. We all do it.
Some of my favorite movies:
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The Shawshank Redemption
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Goodfellas
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Avatar
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Leaving Las Vegas
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Drugstore Cowboy
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East of Eden
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Trainspotting
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North by Northwest
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Midnight Express
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The Lost Weekend
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Casino
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The Usual Suspects
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Pulp Fiction
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The Breakfast Club
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Taxi Driver
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Sunset Boulevard
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Breakfast at Tiffany's
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Blackboard Jungle
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Braveheart
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Schindler's List
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Psycho
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On the Waterfront
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Star Wars (all six of them)
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Tombstone
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